When Dog meets Dawn
by krystal-kun
Summary: Did you ever wonder why the Akatsuki don’t have any animals? Well there is a very logical explanation. It all started when Tobi, Akatsuki in training, brought home a furry little dog. Crackfic Rated T for Hidan's dirty mouth D:
1. A New Member

When Dog meets Dawn

By: krystal-kun

Author's Note: None of the naruto characters belong to me (unfortunately ;; ). This is written while the Akatsuki were considering Tobi to join and before Sasori died. So ya…

Inspired by my own dog, Chewy 3

Summary: Did you ever wonder why the Akatsuki don't have any animals? Well there is a very logical explanation. It all started when Tobi, Akatsuki in training, brought home a furry little dog. (Crackfic)

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwww! But look at how cute he is Deidara-sempai!"

The orange masked man held up a ball of dirty gold fur to his sempai's face. Being held up by the 'good boy's hands was a big brown eyed dog with a thick coat of gold fur. It wasn't a puppy, but it wasn't a full-grown dog, it was just in between.

"Hell no. Hmm. " The blonde haired member stated.

Deidara didn't like this idea one bit. However, he knew Tobi was going to ask Leader-sama anyway, regardless of his constant 'no's.

"Besides, do you even know the responsibility it takes for- "

A floppy wet tongue stopped Deidara midsentence and continued its onslaught of licking him, shaggy tail wagging and all.

"Awww! Look sempai! He already likes you!!" Tobi chirped

The blonde shoved the dog away from him and rubbed his now wet face with the sleeve of his jacket.

"I don't care if he likes me or not! We're not keeping it! Hmm!" he shouted.

Tobi slumped, and put the dog to his chest, almost to console it rather than himself.

"Deidara-sempai is just mad. He knows you're not an 'it'." He whispered to the dog, which returned the remark with a lick to his mask. Tobi giggled.

"Tobi! Hurry up already! You know how Sasori-no-danna hates waiting! Hmm!"

"Coming Sempai!"

When the masked man was sure his sempai wasn't looking, he quickly put the dog in his backpack, taking care that it wasn't near some of the exploding tags and other various equipment. He then rushed off to catch up with his sempai.

"You're late"

"I know, I know I'm sorry danna."

The redheaded puppet continued to stare at them with cold, lifeless eyes. The three of them were in a forest clearing, about three miles away from the hideout.

Deidara had been sent on a simple mission, well, as simple as a mission can go for an S-ranked criminal. All he had to do was assassinate a certain feudal lord in the grass country, who had threatened giving away the location of their hideout in exchange for money. As you can imagine, Kakuzu was _definitely_ not pleased. So they had all agreed to simply murder him. Tobi had only come to see how a typical Akatsuki's mission goes, and Deidara had been one of the few who weren't busy.

"Ah! Please don't blame Sempai, Sasori-san. It was Tobi's fault we were so late!"

Sasori shrugged, got up from the rock he had been sitting on for the past two hours and began walking in the direction of the hideout. Deidara wordlessly followed.

As they walked, it was silent, eerily silent. The only thing heard was the occasional crunching of leaves beneath their feet and they walked.

Tobi took this time to take in Sasori's new appearance.

This was the first time Tobi had seen Sasori's real body. The redhead had explained before they left that he only took Hiruko, the puppet he normally hid in, when he was on missions or leaving the river country, where Akatsuki was located. Back then, however Tobi never got a good look at him, as it was dark in the hideout due to a blackout, no thanks to a certain Uchiha Itachi attempting to cook dinner the 'easy way'.

But even as the orange masked man tried to occupy himself with petty observations, the silence still creeped him out.

At this point they were about two miles away from the hideout, then suddenly,

"Bark!"

Sasori jumped and Deidara spun around to face Tobi, who was hushing his backpack.

"What the hell was that?" Sasori said, still shocked from the sudden noise.

"Yes Tobi. What the hell WAS that? Hmm!?" Deidara's voice was growing louder with rage. He knew, but he was desperately hoping it wasn't true.

"A-ah! Umm…. It was a, umm, a………..bird! Yes! It was a bird!" Tobi cried frantically clutching his backpack to himself.

Before Tobi could make up any other excuse, Deidara snatched the backpack and flipped it open, and, unfortunately for Deidara, a floppy eared dog popped up from the backpack.

Sasori's eyes grew wide, the blonde was glaring poison at Tobi, who was rapidly apologizing. As everyone was speechless, save Tobi's apologies, the dog just blankly stared, tongue hanging out, and crumbs all over its face.

Tobi looked up and noticed the crumbs, then snatched back his backpack and looked in.

" He ate my onigiri!" Tobi cried to Deidara.

Deidara just gave him one of his why-on-earth-are-you-such-a-retard looks and put down the dog.

Sasori was still in a state of shock.

Tobi went and picked up the dog and gave it a little 'bad puppy!' talk. The blonde-haired man slung the now lunchless backpack over his shoulder and continued to head back to the hideout.

"I'll explain when we get there. Hmm."

The puppet man finally snapped back to reality, and decided it best to just wait until all the members could hear why a clump of fur was now being clutched to Tobi.

They all walked along silently, Tobi bouncing along with his little furry friend, and soon enough, after 30 muted minutes, they reached the hideout.

"Oi! Kakuzu, why the fuck do we have to all meet here? I was in the middle of a fucking ritual!"

The masked man looked menacingly at his silver-haired partner.

"I heard you the first five times, now shut the hell up." He said, trying to avoid stabbing his partner through the throat. He may not have been able to kill him, but he sure as hell could hurt him.

Hidan grumbled and, after muttering a few curses under his breath, propped himself up against one of the couches, as he was still a little weak from blood loss.

In the room was every member, save the leader who was on his way, and Sasori, Deidara, and Tobi, who were almost there.

Itachi was sitting statue-like on the couch, legs-crossed and hands in his lap. He kept his sharingan deactivated, due to his worsening eyesight. Next to him, his partner Kisame, who was flopped on the couch and nearly asleep from waiting so long. Konan sat quietly in a wooden chair at a small coffee table folding some complex flower out of paper. Hidan was against the couch, and Kakuzu sat in an armchair. Zetsu just stayed half melted into the floor.

The leader, Pein, walked in. All the members immediately straightened up. He stopped in front of everyone, cleared his throat, and announced, " I have received message from Deidara and his group that they will be bringing back a survivor from the attack on the feudal lord. They didn't say anything else, but we will be taking he or she for questioning about any information on the jinchurikii.

They nodded, Konan looked slightly impressed at the fact that someone had actually survived one of the pyromaniac's bombs, and to be unaffected enough to question!

_This person must be good,_ she thought. _Possibly Akatsuki material…_

Pein took the chair on the other side of the blue-haired kunoichi, who was still absently folding, and sat, hands folded under his pierced chin and waited for the returning group.

Luckily, they didn't have to wait long.

The door burst open with Tobi swinging around some yellow thing. Deidara and Sasori absently walked in. Before Pein could open his mouth, the dog was thrust right in front of his face.

"Can we keep him!?!? Please!!!" Tobi pleaded.

The other members stared, the metal-faced man still trying to take in what on earth just happened. Konan looked amused.

"What the fuck is that?" Hidan stated.

Then it hit her.

"Wait. You don't mean to tell me that that was the survivor. Right?" The origami nin asked.

The others looked shocked, and turned to wait for a reply.

"…………….yes…hmm.." muttered Deidara.

Everyone's eyes went wide, even Itachi showed some, if any, surprise. Pein, on the other hand, was still staring at the large furry mass inches away from his face.

Once again, before the leader could reply, Konan interrupted.

"Sure! Why not?" she smiled.

"WHAT!" Deidara and Hidan screeched in unison.

There was a long silence, waiting for the leader's response.

"……...fine." He stated.

Tobi started jumping around ecstatically swinging the equally excited dog with him. Deidara looked appalled. The rest were mostly impassive, mainly Itachi. Konan was probably the only other one there, save Tobi, who looked rather excited about this.

"Well, we can't just call him 'dog ,' " said Zetsu who was happy Tobi could keep his new friend, but still had a bad feeling about this.

"He has a point." Stated the ever-motionless Uchiha.

Everyone agreed. They pondered a bit about naming the dog, and after a few awkward moments of silence, Hidan spoke up.

"His name will be Jashin!" he said triumphantly.

"No." retorted Kakuzu.

Hidan gave him a dirty look.

" Oh! Tobi knows a good name! We should call him fluffy!" he shouted.

"If the dog is to stay, he should have a more threatening name." Itachi stated. " No one would be afraid of 'Akatsuki and Fluffy.' His name should be Akumu. (Meaning nightmare)

"That's a stupid name." Kisame threw in. " It should be something dog-like. Like 'Fido', or 'Spot' or something.

"How can he be named 'Spot' when he doesn't have a single spot on his body." Sasori commented.

It was true. The dog was a solid yellow.

Arguments continued until Pein finally threw up his hands and yelled, "ENOUGH!"

Silence quickly came over the room as everyone turned to the leader. Even the dog was silent and held its tail between its legs.

"The dog shall be named Dog." He announced.

Silence. Then,

"_Dog!?"_ Hidan said incredulously.

"Yes. Dog." The leader stated.

"Well what in the name of Jashin kind of dumb ass name is that?"

" Do you have a problem with it?" The leader glared at him murderously. Hidan got shivers down his spine, and decided, for one of the few moments of his life, to shut up.

"That's what I thought. You are all dismissed." And with that, he walked out of the room, soon followed by Konan.

Kakuzu grabbed Hidan by the rosary before he could start whining and dragged him out of the room.

Once everyone else had gone, Deidara and Sasori decided to take a rest in the room.

" Well, this should prove interesting." Sasori finally spoke up.

Deidara groaned. _Oh ya, I gotta bad feeling about this_. He thought.

Well the first chapter of my first story is complete : )

R and R plz!

I hope you all enjoyed! And trust me, the next chapters will be a lot funnier.


	2. Morning Fun

When Dog meets Dawn

Chapter 2 by: krystal-kun

Author's Note: Woo! Chapter 2 is now up! Thank you to all who reviewed and I hope you all enjoy the story! 8D

------------------------------

The sun began to rise as a soft light gently creeped over the Akatsuki hideout. All was content. Silent and content.

Deidara felt good that morning as he slept in his bed. His nightstand held a few clay models needing to be finished. On the other side of the room, Tobi lay on his side, face to the wall, and mask on his nightstand.

Each room was shared by partners, due to cutting back cost, thus in each room, two beds were found. Sasori, however, being a puppet, did not require seep, and so, Tobi got his bed.

As a few early morning rays shone through the window, the blonde grumbled. He didn't want to wake up yet.

With that thought in mind, he got up, shut the curtains, and crawled back in bed. His eyes slammed shut and slowly he relaxed into the bed.

This peace did not last long.

Deidara was so groggy, he didn't notice the sound of paws walking in. Nor did he notice the sudden heaviness on him. And he certainly didn't notice the panting mouth inches away from his face.

However, he didn't even need to open his eyes to see this unnamed visitor, because in a matter of seconds he was being attacked in another onslaught of licks.

"GAH!" he fell out of his bed and got tangled up in the covers. Tobi snapped up from the sudden commotion and threw his mask on before facing a very agitated sempai.

"Tobi! What the hell is Dog doing in my room!?"

"I let him sleep with me!" Tobi chirped. Deidara let a quick twitch.

"No one else would let him in so I did!" he continued.

Deidara was about to scold Tobi, but rather decided against it and went on with his daily morning routine.

The masked man shrugged, got, up, and headed out to the kitchen for breakfast.

Dog was soon bored by the now empty room, and bounced off to, what was on the places you didn't want to go in the morning, Konan's bathroom.

------------------------

A very sleepy, messy blue haired kunoichi stumbled into the bathroom.

Now since each partners shared a room, they had no problem sharing a bathroom, with the exception of hair-care products. However, being the only female there, she was sure to steal the bathroom before Pein woke up.

She took a good look in the mirror. Her hair was down, no flower, she still needed to put on her makeup, and her single lip piercing sat shimmering close to her partner's multiple piercings by the sink.

She took a deep breath and splashed some water on her face. After blindly grabbing a towel, she opened her makeup drawer and pulled out a stick of blue eyeliner.

As she was carefully tracing over her left eye, a small pounding of paws could be heard. She stopped and turned.

At the doorway, Dog was looking expectant.

Now normally, Konan would be pleased to see the adorable bundle of fur, but it was morning, and Konan was _not _a morning person.

This was made extremely clear three months ago when Hidan kept pestering her early that morning.

Needless to say, it wasn't pretty.

She let out a grumble.

"Go away."

He didn't budge.

"What do you want?"

Dog whined.

_He must need to go out. _She thought.

She took a quick look at her appearance, a baggy white shirt with equally baggy navy blue pants. Suitable enough to be seen outside besides she would only be out there for five minutes.

As she started dragging her slippered feet to the backyard, she grabbed her sweatshirt realizing how cold it would be.

Of course Konan had to go out with Dog! There were wild animals, and a few stupid shinobi always thought they could catch them off guard in the morning. After a few dead ANBU, they tended to stop coming, but better safe than sorry.

Dog was ahead and scratching at the door. She groaned out a small 'I'm coming' and reluctantly opened the door.

The cold air hit her as hard as needles.

_Just five minutes, _she kept telling herself. Dog flounced out and did his business at a nearby tree.

Konan pushed her freezing hands in her pockets when a large gust of wind blew her hair in her face.

-_thunk-_

She froze and, to her growing horror,, the door had been blown shut.

And she forgot to bring out a key.

She was locked out.

So there, in the chill morning air, with eyeliner only on her left eye and still in pajamas, Konan could only think of one thing to say, which nicely summed up her predicament.

"……fuck."

-------------------

As Pein woke up that morning, he was surprised to see the bathroom door wide open, and no Konan in it.

Now to him, this wasn't normal. He knew Konan would take the bathroom before he did, and even then he still had to wait a good hour or so before she got out, depending on what mood she was in.

He brushed off the question and went on to get ready.

_Must be some sort of chick thing…_

Even as he was cleaning and putting in his seemingly hundreds of piercings, he noticed that his partners single lip piercing sat there, and so did her flower, and her Akatsuki jacket still hung on one of the hangers.

This was strange.

She _never _went anywhere without her flower or piercing.

_Where on earth did she go?_ _I swear I'll never understand women…_

--------------------

Konan was panicked. Composed but still panicked.

She kept trying to turn the handle as if after some time it would magically have the door swing open.

But it didn't.

She mentally smacked herself for not remembering the key and looked around for some other way in. A thought occurred to her.

_Where's Dog?_

And as if listening to her thoughts she heard a 'Bark!'

She turned to the source of the sound. Dog sat there, tail wagging, _inside _the house.

She could only stare through the window Dog was at.

She noticed the small makeshift doggy door that Kisame had so graciously 'shaved' through the wall last night. And yet, Dog still made her go outside with him, regardless of whatever wild animals or thickheaded shinobi there were. He made _her_ go out. The one member that would kill someone for looking at her wrong in the morning.

And she was locked out.

_That dog is so dead._

She tried to fit herself through the doggy door, only to be licked in the face by Dog as soon as she got her head in. She recoiled and wiped her face off, her eyeliner smearing.

She tried again, pushing Dog away this time, but she wouldn't fit.

Muttering a few curses and brushing off the wood chips that now stuck to her sweatshirt, she looked in the window to see if anyone was there. No one.

_Shit. _

But being the intelligent kunoichi she was, she got an idea. Out of the sleeve of her sweatshirt came a piece of paper, which folded itself into a butterfly.

The origami butterfly few into the doggy door in hopes of catching one of the other members attention. This plan was flawless.

Or so it seemed.

The minute Dog saw the butterfly, he jumped up, grabbed it in his mouth, and proceeded nibbling on it. Konan sent another, and once again, Dog caught it like a chew toy.

She tried sending a swarm, but Dog had chewed up all of them.

She stopped, not wanting to waste any more paper in case of an attack and, once she was done giving every death glare she knew to the poor pup, ran off to find another door.

-------------------

Well, I hope you enjoyed this 8D

R and R please! Reviewslove


	3. Lunching and Munching

**Ugh. I'm sorry I haven't been updating as often as I should .**

**I've had the biggest writer's block ever DX and school... it sucks...**

**Well anyway, the moment you've all been waiting for! ONWARD!**

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The dark tinge of blood painted the floors of a very dark and dank room. In an especially bloody corner was a triangle in a circle painted on the floor in blood. And in the middle of this symbol was a silver haired man with a long metal pike stuck in his heart.

Hidan had started his ritual just moments ago and was, as Kakuzu referred to as, 'ruining another good carpet'.

After about a dozen ruined carpets, and hundreds of dollars in dry cleaning, they had decided to just cut the carpet in half so Kakuzu's side of the room had carpet, while, to Hidan's swearing and whining, his side was cold, dank cement. The other half of the carpet? Well, since everyone already had carpet, they just gave it to whoever, in this case Tobi, wanted it. He had nailed it on his wall, yes his wall, in an attempt to show how creative he could be to his sempai. Deidara, in all honesty, thought he was freaking crazy.

But now he had hit a, what should've been, vital artery and had very much stained Kakuzu's half of the semi-carpeted room.

_Shit._ He mentally smacked himself for not hitting something of less importance and with less blood, like his lungs or something stupid like that.

His masked partner was going to have his head. _Literally_.

After pondering for a few more moments how Kakuzu was going to attempt to murder him, a small shaggy ball of fur was bouncing in.

In moments he was inches away from Hidan's face, tongue lolling out and panting.

Hidan made a face.

"Get the fuck away from me."

Dog continued to stare at him. It was, in all manners, pretty damn creepy.

The staring contest continued for what seemed like an eternity, that is until Dog climbed up on top of the bleeding man, ignoring Hidan's cursing as his rather sharp claws dug into his skin to get a foothold (or a paw hold) and curled up in a ball on his exposed stomach. He slowly lowered his head to rest on the man's chest.

Oh fuck no...

The canine's eyes slowly began to shut.

"Don't you fucking dare..."

His eyes were still lidding shut.

"I swear to Jashin! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!"

His eyes were now shut and began to softly snore.

" FUCK! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH MUTT!? DON'T YOU DARE FALL ASLEEP! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!? WAKE UP GODDAMMIT!"

Now, in these kind of situations, it would probably be best to simply get up instead of swearing every word known to man and several known to monkey at a small dog. That is any normal person would. Hidan was not exactly your _normal_ person. He had been in his ritual for about five minutes when Dog came in, and the rituals tended to go for at least two hours. In Jashinism, it was a terrible, _terrible_ sin to not finish a ritual once it started, so obviously, Hidan could only lay bleeding while this clump of fur was beginning to drool on him.

He attempted to shove the mutt off of him, cursing at the top of his lungs all the while, but couldn't quite get him to budge. Either Dog was getting fat, or he was still a little weak from losing about three pints of blood. No, it was probably the first one...

(Now he was just making excuses.)

A loud pounding was heard coming up the stairs and down the hall until a very pissed Kakuzu was standing in the doorway.

" What's with all the screaming?" He was using every ounce of will to hold back from slamming his partner's scythe through his throat and ripping out his vocal cords.

"Get this fucking mutt off me!"

"Ugh..." he was getting too old for this kind of stuff. Kakuzu firmly place both hands on either side of the snoozing dog and began to pull him up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARHG! FUCK STOP IT!"

Dog was clawing into Hidan desperately in order to not loose his new sleeping spot. With every time Kakuzu pulled the dog a little, he sunk his claws deeper, and made Hidan curse louder.

"Looks like he likes you." The masked man had the smuggest look on his face watching the dog cuddle up close to his partner's face.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up."

"Well looks like he's your problem now." With that he turned around and started walking out the door to get some lunch.

"Wait! Don't you just fucking leave me here with it! GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW! KAKUZU YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!"

----------------------------

12:30, Pein had been looking around for his partner for about two hours now.

_Where the hell could she have gone?_

After walking around aimlessly in the hideout, he was tired, he was confused, but most of all, he was _really_ hungry. He had missed breakfast and was ready to give up his search labeling her disappearance as going to do some kind of 'chick thing' and headed down to the kitchen to get a sandwich.

-----------------------------

Kisame was still getting ready for the day ahead. He was out late on a mission and tried to sleep in, that is until he was woken up by Hidan cursing so loud he could make a deaf person cover their ears. His partner, Itachi was nearly ready for a mission he was being sent on.

As the blue man walked out to take a shower and grab something to eat, he could've _sworn_ that out of the corner of his eye, he saw the leader with a little yellow clump prancing behind him.

---------------------------

Pein was walking down to the kitchen. He was perfectly aware of his little stalker with him. He stopped and turned.

"Stop following me."

After talking only four steps, he turned again to Dog.

"I command you to stop following me."

No matter how many times he reprimanded this dog, it was _still_ following him.

_Why is he so interested in me?_

He brushed off the annoying presence and continued down to the kitchen.

----------------------------

The leader looked down at Dog from where he was sitting at the table.

They were having lunch and Dog had been eyeing his sandwich for the last ten minutes. Pein had tried to ignore it, but it was very annoying.

Seated at the table were Tobi, Deidara, and Kakuzu, who was rather reading the stock market section of the paper than eating. Though even with all these people here, the leader wondered why Dog had decided to beg at him.

He set down his sandwich, leaned in close, and gave Dog one of his feared glares.

This was returned by a lick to his face.

"Pleh!" he wiped his face with a napkin.

Some were snickering, but after giving them an equally deadly glare, they shut up.

Pein decided to finish off his lunch and get away from Dog as soon as possible. As he was about to finish a few more bites, he turned to Dog one more time. This made him stop in his tracks.

While our pin-faced leader may have the most deadly glare known to shinobi, our little canine friend had something more powerful. Something only a few very skilled dogs could master. Something absolutely _**undefeatable.**_

The puppy eyes.

Pein continued to stare into those large brown eyes and, after much grumbling, gave him the last bit of his sandwich, which was happily accepted.

Now that Dog had finished his lunch for him, a thought occurred to him.

"Has anyone fed the dog?"

He was received by blank stares. Hidan came thumping in, pike still impaled from his recent ritual, and took a seat at the table. Pein turned to him.

"Have you fed Dog?"

Silence.

"We have to feed it?" Hidan stared.

The ginger haired man rubbed his temples.

"That's it. Everyone come with me, we're going to the pet store."

Tobi cheered, Hidan cursed, and Deidara and Kakuzu grumbled.

The blonde ran off to drag Sasori with them. No way in _**hell**_ he was suffering this alone.

"Can we take Dog too?" Tobi asked.

The leader stated, "No."

"But then how will we know what to get him?"

He had a point.

"Fine."

Tobi ran off and grabbed Dog from Pein's feet.

A few moments later, everyone met at the front door. Tobi had Dog in his arms, Hidan had pulled out his pike and was mumbling some curses near his partner for making him go. Deidara came thumping down the stairs dragging a very pissed Sasori with him.

After scribbling a quick note stating where they were, Pein motioned for everyone to head out.


End file.
